I speak English, though I can totally sound like I am an angry guy yelling Japanese because I have watched that many cartoons. It is probably insulting gibberish, but, man, the intonation is perfect.
I wish they would stop showing reruns of shows that I honestly love and have on DVD. I want the shows to be forgotten, and then, when people discover them at my house, they’ll be all like, “Snap! Caleb has a genius collection of amazing shows that I have never heard of.” On a different note, “Gundam.” I love you, “Gundam,” in all of your many incarnations because I love giant robots, but seriously, why aren’t any of them good anymore? Stop remaking stuff or continuing to add on unnecessarily, but if you won’t stop, call me, man. We’ll work something out.
I only ever really laugh over terrible things or when I’ve greatly pleased myself. Other people make me smile. Sometimes I say “ha” pleasantly to television, but honestly, laughter is mostly self-congratulatory. That is so vain of me.
I would have to say Natasha Natalie, known ninja. Seriously, if she were real, I would make out with her. I love her haircut and how cools he is about scraping her knees.
When I get drunk, sometimes I write these long, brilliant letters to myself, and I hide them in my shoes or the medicine cabinets. They’re wild. Seriously, these are the kind of affirmations and introspections that can change even other people’s lives. Sometimes, they also diagrams for machines, but I’m not an engineer, so I can’t really comment on how well they’d work. I think they’re for time travel, mostly. That guy doesn’t count, though, because it’s me, and can you ever really know yourself?
Eventually, either me or my enemies will get our hands on a robot suit, and I’ll finally find out if I’m a good guy or a bad guy.
When I owned a record label, I had to go to my little sister’s boyfriend’s concert that I was throwing. I almost had to introduce them. Thankfully, I was pretty drunk, and I made a thousand dollars, and, uh, then I rolled around in it with my business partner. Oh, yeah, my future-ex-wife’s best friend was there, and she was loud, and my business partner hated her, but my future-ex-wife’s friend from France was there, and my business partner fell in love with her. Honestly, I couldn’t really get behind the music.
Seriously, the answer is summer. You never get to wear sweaters, hats or scarves, and though I look great in an unbuttoned shirt, I’m kind of about being scarf-awesome.
One time, I was dating this girl, and we broke up, and it was really messy, so instead of being an adult or anything, I decided to worm my way into her family and become more important to her, and then, for her birthday, I tracked down all of these photos of her mom as a model, which my ex had thought were lost in a fire. It took me a whole week of work. That would have seemed really nice if it hadn’t also kind of been mean. I meant it to be nice, but it turns out I’m really good at revenge.
Stephen Biesty books! I have to know what’s inside of things, or I will flip out! Do you know what’s inside of a giant telescope or an office building or a pyramid? Well, I do, so, uh, take that “Boxcar Children.”