No, honestly, I know that this is being asked by someone who knows me, and they are playing some game because I spent years wondering this, years, actual grown up years wondering this, and I even asked my doctor, who was a real jerk about it, and he wouldn’t give me the answer, which hurt my feelers, and then I looked it up, and it’s completely mind blowing!
What I find most fascinating about this is that it is the only question that I ever asked Jeeves, and I asked it a very long time ago, and he didn’t have an answer then, so I feel amiss about what to say. There is the obvious and kind answer, which is, “You don’t have to. No one says you have to. Well, clearly, someone is saying that you have to, or, at least, you should, but you don’t. It’s cool not to.” That said, seriously, are you someone from my past or just a random internet jerk because that really takes me back. It makes me want to go eat chocolate and pout. What other things that I have always inquired about are going to be asked of me?
There is only one person in the entire world who you should ever go on a road trip with, and he’s so perfect that he’s a road trip cliche, but Dennis Hopper. I’d be tear-assing across terrified America in a Dodge Dart with him, drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon and Suntori Whiskey, screaming about why they don’t build astronauts anymore, and then he’d interject to talk about photography or something.
I’m easily like my mom because of our awesome, blind rages. Can I say that, mom? Also, we are willing to try new foods, and my mom lets me use more profanity around her, and she tends to be bitchier about people behind their backs than my dad is, though he does that, too. She just does it more. My mom, yeah, though I look just like my dad. Seriously, I stole a pair of his jeans, and I grew a beard. I can run farther than him, though. I can run farther than both of them.
I like that moment in the world where the sun isn’t up yet, but there’s light from over the horizon because of atmospheric reflection or magic. The world is all gray. Things seem incredibly possible because nothing’s begun, but it’s already started. I like that time. The opposite time of the day is the worst. When the sun has just set, and there’s that orange hanging onto the sky, I always feel like I failed, like I didn’t win enough.
I have this sweater that used to belong to my ex-girlfriend’s older brother. When I got it, my ex-girlfriend has stolen it from her brother and given it to her roommate, but I looked better in it, so she stole it back, which was awesome, because when you’re given a stolen sweater, do you really think it’s yours forever. I’ve had it ten years, so I’m thinking it’s mine now, but it’s a gorgeous sweater, all kind of black and from the GAP.
Please, please, let it be writing, and if it’s not, villainy.
This is such a backwards question for me. It should be, “What is the most amount of baths or showers have you had in a day?” Honestly, I think the longest I went without a shower was on a vacation to Denver with an ex-girlfriend, and I may have had two, maybe three showers in that week, which is crazy, because when I went to Tokyo, I had three baths a day, but seriously, those bathtubs are magic.
Oh, snap. I totally have this new scar. Well, the doctor says it probably won’t scar, so I’ve been treating it terribly. It’s on my chin. I was on my bike, and it was wet, and I was hauling ass downhill, and long story short, that was the most blood I’ve ever bled, and I had to get two stitches. One of my old students helped put it in. She saw me with her shirt off. She said it wasn’t weird, but yes, it was.
Calling your mom after you lost the fistfight with her and admitting openly that she is, despite how it makes you feel to say it, the “Sexiest Badass in the Room.”
